“Are you willing to adopt a child of another race of your
own?” our social worker asked. “Sure,”
we said as we looked at each other and shrugged. “Why not?”
As we drove home, we discussed all the questions we had
been asked in our interviews. “We need
to look up Fetal Alcohol Syndrome,” I noted, and wrote it on my list of things
to research. “What about the transracial
thing?” Jason asked. “No big deal,” I
said. “I would just need to figure out
how to do a little black girl’s hair – and maybe we could take her to some
cultural events as she grows up.”
.............
Fast forward a few months and I find myself sitting in a
meeting at work about race and ethnicity and culture, discussing the fears that
black parents have about their children growing up in a
still-racially-prejudiced society.
“Really?” I thought. “Is that
still an issue or are they just being paranoid?”
Enter my moment of realization that racial issues are
alive and well today and that we can’t – and shouldn’t – ignore those issues,
especially when we are thinking about raising a child of another race. Suddenly, I was flooded with questions. What were we getting ourselves into? Would adopting a child from another race put
that child at a disadvantage because we didn’t understand what life would be
like for him or her? Would our child
grow up confused? How does racial
identity develop? Does racial identity really
matter?
…………..
After all the research I’ve done, three things stick out
to me:
(1) On
being color blind: I used to believe
that the ultimate goal was to be “color blind.”
God loves all of his people and we were all created by Him and we are
all the same in his eyes, right?
Right. Except that we aren’t all the same. We are all created uniquely, and that
includes a myriad of difference races and cultural heritages. Rather than pretending those differences
don’t exist, let’s celebrate them.
Living together as a diverse group of people will undoubtedly enrich our
lives, deepen our relationships, and grow us into better people.
(2) On
racial identity: As a former student of
psychology, the study of racial identity is absolutely fascinating. The only way I can do this topic justice is
to let this
book speak for itself. Read it. You won’t be disappointed.
(3) On
the NABSW’s position regarding transracial adoption: Did you know that the NABSW (National
Association of Black Social Workers) says that black children should never be
adopted by white parents? They assert
that it is harmful both to the individual child and to the black community. Not only does that child grows up confused
and without a racial identity, they say, but transracial adoption robs the
black community of one of their children and dilutes its culture. I had never encountered this idea before and
it really shook me. We certainly didn’t
want to harm anyone by adopting! The
best book we found on this topic was In Their Own Voices, which started
off with information and data about transracial adoptees and then shared
interviews with many adults who were transracially adopted. What struck me most was the fact that,
despite widely varying circumstances – some good, some bad – each person said
that he was blessed to have been adopted and that the bottom line was that his
life was better because of it.
…………..
Remember all those questions I said had before I went all
research-crazy? I can’t say I’ve found
all the answers yet – but I’m off to a good start. What I have found so far has pointed
overwhelmingly toward this: Race and
culture matter, and how we handle those things as parents matter. But love?
Love trumps all.
