Two More Weeks - Maybe?

We visited with baby girl today for the fourth time.  She turned four weeks old yesterday.  She looks a little different each time we see her, which is a fun perspective to have (and helpful when we feel like we are missing everything).  Today we noticed that her hair is starting to get really curly.  Also, Jason changed his first poopy diaper, which was quite entertaining.

Things are fairly complicated as far as her birthparents’ legal rights and how all that is playing out.  Most of the time, these things are fairly straightforward, but this is not one of those times.  (We don’t mean to make this a cliffhanger, but we can’t say much more about it – sorry!)

There was hope that we could have brought her home as early as next week, but given the situation with her birthparents’ legal rights, our agency wants to wait another two weeks and then reassess.  We understand and support their decision, but are saddened by this setback.  Please pray for our patience and forbearance and also for a quick resolution that is in baby girl's best interests. 

Best,

Jason and Jeannine

Answers to your burning questions

As promised, here are you questions - and the answers - about our upcoming adoption:

Q:  When did you find out about baby girl? 

A:  She was born on Tuesday, March 17^th, and we found out about her three days later, on Friday, March 20^th around 12:30pm.  We got to meet her for the first time on Tuesday, March 24^th.

Q:  How much information about baby girl did you get before you had to decide whether or not to proceed?  How much medical information might you get, including information about hereditary conditions?

A:  We knew birthmom’s first name and basic medical history.  We knew how many prenatal appointments birthmom had and when she started those.  We knew the basics of baby girl’s health.  We knew both birthparents’ races.  We will get more information once baby girl is ours – including her full medical history.  The information on hereditary conditions is all self-reported by the birthparents, so that is a bit harder to know for sure, but we do know what was reported by the birthparents.

Q:  Do you know why birthmom chose you guys?

A:  Nope.  We do know that she picked us our after looking at available family profile books (basically picture books with some words describing who we are and why we want to adopt), rather than having the agency pick out a family for her baby, but we don’t know why she chose us specifically.

Q:  Have you, or will you, meet birthmom?

A:  We haven’t yet and don’t expect to anytime in the near future, but we hope to meet her, and have baby girl meet her, sometime down the road.  We will be sending birthmom a letter and pictures once a year.   

Q:  Why is there an interim caregiver? 

A:  There is a period of time after one or both birthparents sign to terminate their parental rights when the baby is not in their care, but cannot come home with us yet because the risk of a disrupted adoption is too high.  In Maryland, both birthparents have 30 days to change their minds after they sign the papers to terminate their parental rights.  During those 30 days, our agency has the baby in its own “foster care” system to protect everyone from the risk of disruption.  PS:  We absolutely love baby girl’s foster mamma – she is delightful and we know baby girl is in great hands!

Q:  How often do you get to see baby girl? 

A:  Once a week, for an hour each time.  Foster mamma meets us at our agency’s offices and we get to spend time alone with baby girl for about an hour.  At the end of the visit, foster mamma comes in and lets us know how baby girl has been doing and what she’s been up to, and we have a chance to ask any questions that will help us prepare for her (such as “what kind of formula is she on” and “what kind of bottle is she using” and “is she always this laid back?”).  After that, we meet briefly with our social worker for any process updates or questions.

Q:  How much is your adoption of baby girl costing you? 

All in, approximately $40,000.  For the full breakdown of what the costs are, see this post. 

Q:  Do you need any baby stuff?

A:  We have the basics that we think we’ll need right away, but we do have a registry up for the things that either we know we’ll need more of, know we’ll need later, or don’t consider absolute essentials.  We are waiting until closer to bringing her home to stock up on formula so we make sure we are getting her the kind that works best for her and that she is used to.  We will also need disposable diapers in various sizes (we are going to try cloth at home and disposable when out and about).  Several folks have given us things they aren’t using anymore, which has been wonderful – thanks, y’all!

Q:  What is baby girl’s name?  Did you pick it or did birthmom? 

A:  We’re going to wait until we bring her home before we announce her name.  Birthmom did name her at birth, including both a first and middle name.  We are going to keep one of those names and pair it with a name of our choosing.  The naming issue has been one of great debate over the past few weeks, but we think we’ve finally settled on it… stay tuned!

The Past Ten Days

Since meeting baby girl for the first time ten days ago, here’s what we’ve been up to:

Buying stuff.

Looking at her picture.

Buying more stuff.

Looking at her picture.

And buying more stuff.  While looking at her picture, of course. :)

Just kidding.  But sometimes it sure does feel like that’s all we’ve been doing!

Luckily, we got the crib, glider, and changing table/dresser for really cheap on craigslist.  And we’ve had lots of things given or loaned to us, which is great.  We are rounding out all that with buying other things like a stroller, carseat, crib mattress and sheets, bottles, and all those other essentials that we figure we will need right away.  For things that we won’t necessarily need immediately, or things that aren’t true essentials, we’ve been adding those to our Registry.  Baby’s room is just about ready, after almost a week of cleaning out closets and purging like mad to make room in our tiny little condo.  The one shame in all this “making room” business is that I can no longer make fun of my brother for storing most of his possessions at my parents’ house because I’m in the same boat now…

Other than the “stuff,” we’ve been getting other things in order, like figuring out how to add baby to our health insurance, figuring out my (Jeannine’s) transition from working to staying home, getting the paperwork ready to request adoption assistance funds from Jason’s employer and from church, getting our wills updated, making a carseat inspection appointment, finalizing our choice for pediatrician, checking out the babysitting service at the gym, and trying to clear our schedules of anything non-essential over the next few months. 

And then, of course, there is the emotional preparation.  It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster of feeling overwhelmed and completely ready at the same time – a mixture of “what the heck are we getting ourselves into” and “I want to bring her home RIGHT. NOW.”  We have been trying to remain cautiously optimistic, but no matter what anyone says, or what we told ourselves, we are here to tell you:  once you meet that baby and have her in your arms, it’s all over.  We have fear that this won’t work out and we will lose her.  Yet we love her still.  And we know that the Lord is sovereign and good – and so we wait to watch his goodness unfold, whatever form that takes.  We have been resting in Psalm 16:  “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.  The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.  I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.  I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.  Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.  For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.  You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”  Amen to that.

 

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Now, you have an assignment:  In our next update, we’ll be answering many of the questions we’ve been asked since finding out about baby girl.  Have a question?  Ask it!  Really!  We promise we won’t be offended by any of your questions (trust us, we’ve heard them all…) and we also promise you won’t make us feel “put on the spot” – we are perfectly comfortable saying that we can’t or won’t answer your question. :)  Fire away – you can email us, use the comments feature on the blog, comment on facebook, send a carrier pigeon… just send them in!